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Friday, August 12, 2011

Lifted Spirits! -- Another long post!


This layout will always, for the rest of my life, have special meaning to me. Not that any photo of my mom and I is not special, but something happened while I was working on this layout. As some of you know, I lost my Mom on October 13, 2010. Since that time I've struggled with life without her. I talk to inadament objects constantly asking her to tell me she's ok, that she's happy, that she's 'with' me. It never "works" and I go on with the day with an ache in my heart like you could not believe. Losing my mom has been the hardest thing to cope with. She was my best friend. My confidant. My shoulder to cry on and the first person I turned to with news, good or bad. I miss all of those things but most of all I miss her voice. I miss talking to her. Shortly after she passed away my oldest son sent me a link to a YouTube video of Iz Kamakawiwo'ole singing his version of "Over The Rainbow". (You can click the link to see the video if you want.) From that day forward I've held that song close to my heart. Its not a song you will hear played on the radio very often, if at all. When I have needed to hear it I have always gone to that YouTube video.

I moved in July to this house where I have my own scraproom. After weeks of sorting everything out I have finally started scrapping a little bit. I did a layout yesterday using WRMK Fiesta papers.
Its cute I guess.  It can't help but be cute with the photos of the kids when they were so little!  But that was it...once it was done, I left my scraproom feeling uninspired, like I can't do it anymore. Last night I cruised around eBay to get an idea of how much I could sell EVERYTHING for. I have a LOT of stuff. I was ready to give up. I just haven't felt anything inspiring for some time. I've PUSHED myself to scrap but my passion and joy for this hobby are soooo diminished from what I used to feel. I breathed scrapbooking. It was a HUGE part of my life and I would steal every moment I could to play with paper and photos and ohh the embellishments. When I wasn't scrapping I was hanging out on ACOT's message board forging friendships with other scrappers or shopping online for MORE stuff. I have stopped that too. I poke into ACOT here and there but all of a sudden felt like I didn't belong anymore. Like everyone moved on without me. Its silly...I know that in my head. Of course everyone has moved on....but being without me has been MY choice, not theirs. I ignored my blog and then was disappointed when I logged on last month to show off my new scraproom only to find out that 21 people who used to follow my blog had stopped following me. Big deal, right? I don't even know who it is that left! I just know how many followers I had and how many I have now. Still...not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. But I took it to heart...even though again, it was ME who ignored my blog in the first place!

Since i got my iPad in November, I've used Flipboard to view the blogs I follow.  In the last 3 months I have not touched it.  Today I was up before the sun and reached for my iPad.  I played a few games, checked out the local newspaper and put it aside.  About an hour later I reached for it again I touched the Flipboard icon.  I cruised through a few blogs and came to the new sketch from Sketchy Thursdays.  It was not the first sketch I had seen this morning but it was the first one that immediately got ideas running through my head.  I even knew the picture/paper I was going to use.  (That part was sort of easy as while I was sorting and putting things away after moving here I had matched up an OLD piece of Frances Meyer paper from 2000 to a 42 year old photo of my mom and me.  The blue just reminded me of the dress I was wearing.  Anyway, the paper and photo have been sitting on my desk for a while now so that part of it was a no-brainer.)  I don't know why I got inspired by the sketch....it shows using 3 photos and I only had one.  And I would not have used a circle feeling with that photo if left to my druthers.  But inspire me it did and I grabbed my coffee and iPad and headed into my scraproom. 

The layout came together rather easily although it was a couple hours to get it all glued down.  Maybe I need to stop rushing myself to "produce" a ton of layouts.  I usually don't spend more than 45 minutes on a layout and that's with starting blank....picking photos, papers, etc.  That part was already done!

While I was scrapping I had Pandora open on my iPad, set to my Jack Johnson station.  I happily sang along to Jack, U2, John Mayer and similar artists.  I finished the layout, took it outside to try to get a decent photo which I didn't...its too bright outside and too dark inside!  As I sat at my desk looking at the finished layout and thinking about my mom a new song started....I sat back and took a deep breath.  I have listened to this station on Pandora for almost 2 years now and have NEVER heard this song come up in the rotation but here it was....Over the Rainbow by  Iz Kamakawiwo'ole.  Tears flowed freely and I talked to my layout, telling my mom how much I loved her and missed her.  I started to clean up my desk.  I was once again uninspired and ready to leave my scraproom.  I did a few things in the kitchen, went out and got the mail.  I had ordered new checks and they arrived so I walked into my scraproom which doubles as my office to put them away.  I was not paying much attention to the music still coming from my iPad until I heard that familiar sound again.  No way.....could it be?  7 songs after it played it for the first time it was on again but this time in a version combined with "What A Wonderful Life".  The tears flowed again but suddenly it hit me.  This is what I was asking for all along.  It was my mom telling me that she IS ok.  That she IS happy and pain free.  That SHE IS WITH ME.  I shared what had just happened with my daughter and had goosebumps all over my body while I was telling her.  As I was telling her this a new song started....a song from the 60's!  Sugar Sugar by the Archies!!  THERE IS NO WAY this song belongs on a Jack Johnson station on Pandora!  But as I sang along I was smiling....the music my mom loved was from the 60's and "Sugar Sugar" was no exception.  My spirits are soooo lifted right now.  I just had to share my story AND my layout!!  I'm heading out to the pool with my daughter now though to make more memories that she can hold onto after I am gone, just as I have an entire heart full of memories with my own mom, even though she's not physically with me anymore.  What a way to start the weekend! (BTW - since I started writing this post Pandora has not thrown anymore songs that don't fit into the rotation...so I KNOW that was my mom!)








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7 comments:

Amy Teets

LOVE the layout! And it's crazy that I think we just had the same surgery!

Andrea

Found your blog through sketchy thursdays looking at your finished layout. I too felt goosebumps reading your story of what happened today. I agree with you that it was your mom letting you know she is okay. Scrapbooking is a creative outlet and it lets your emotions show through. Don't give up.. you do a wonderful job. I hope you have a wonderful day :)

anazelia

first of all, I miss you on the acot board and in the gallery. I am so glad you are scrapping again, and even though I don't hang out regularly. I hope you come back. take care of yourself. and scrap when you feel you are able.

Julie Tucker-Wolek

What an AMAZING story! I loveeeeeeeee your lo's!! Just GORGEOUS!! Glad your Mom left you a message :) Thanks soooooooooo much for playing along with Sketchy Thursdays! :):):):):):):):):):):)

Heather

What a wonderful story! Love your layouts...So glad you played along with us at Sketchy Thursdays this week! xoxo

corrie

I don't even know what to say, but wow. That was an incredible story. I am so glad you heard your mom. Thanks for playing with Sketchy Thursdays!

Hannah

An amazing and touching story, thanks for sharing, I am glad it has really helped you, and telling as many as you can may help you even more. Gorgeous sketchy LO, love the colours and use of the sketch :)

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